if you like me you must not know who I am
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
