i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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