I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
