so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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