splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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