Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
