and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
