then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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