At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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