I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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