i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
