Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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