Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
