i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
