I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
