You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
