apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
