When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
where does the pee come out of this thing
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
