Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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