I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
