I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
