Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
