I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
