Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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