i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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