That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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