I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
