What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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