I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
