just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
