Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There's even glitter on my cock...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
