i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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