Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
