im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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