I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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