your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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