He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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