My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
