Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
