you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize