You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
