the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
