I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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