Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize