oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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