I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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