the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
