trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
