Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
