so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
