This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
