I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
