so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
