it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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