He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize