just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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