Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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