I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
