he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
