I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
