Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
