i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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