Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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