Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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