Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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