The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
