I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
