My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
