turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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