Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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