Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
