My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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