Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
