oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
