I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
